You Can't Always Get What You Want
by PointlesslyPoetic
Summary: Sometimes life isn't fair, and you don't get what you want out of it. However, you occasionally find something even better. Just collection of one shots about the characters going through hardships and getting over them with the help of friends. Shoutout to the groupchat for the ideas! Strong T for language and suggestive themes
1. Half

Chapter One: In which Tanu helps Vanessa

October 3

Another sleepless night on the tailcoats of a busy day. Wonderful. Vanessa exhaled violently through her nose before inhaling the soft evening air through her lips. All around her, nocturnal creatures tittered and whistled, calling out to one another under the veil of night. They all sounded content, and happy to be where they were.

"Fucking braggarts." she muttered. Exhaling even more violently this time, she rose abruptly and rolled her neck around. Apparently there would be no meditation tonight.

She turned and trotted back into the main house at Fablehaven, closing the porch door softly behind her. She spared the grandfather clock a glance on her way to the kitchen, and nearly screamed.

"It's 4 in the goddamn morning. This is ridiculous." And now she was talking to herself. Good.

She set about making herself some coffee, figuring there would be no point in sleeping now. They had a mission debrief at 7, and a 10 am flight. She would Xanax herself and sleep on the plane. For now, caffeine. As she turned around to cross to the coffee pot, she nearly dropped the mug and creamer she held. She bit her tongue to keep from screaming as she made eye contact with Tanu, who sat peacefully at the kitchen island, a mug of his own in hand.

"Good morning, Vanessa." he rumbled in his deep baritone, sparing her a glance and a smile as he looked up from a thick book.

She felt the tense air hiss out of her mouth as she shut her eyes for a brief moment. She tolerated Tanu best out of nearly everyone on this preserve. She was loathe to damage their relationship by snapping at him in her exhaustion-fueled haze. Fixing a small smile to her lips, one she reserved to keep there until she entered her medicated sleep-flight, she opened her eyes.

" _Buongiorno_ , Tanu. Sleep well?" she slipped past him and set about making her coffee. A dewey morning chill had crept into her bones while outside and she needed a warm mug in her hands, pronto.

"Well enough, I suppose. You?"

She nearly dropped the coffee grinds. His tone was in no way suggesting an answer either way, but it didn't sound like he'd appreciate a lie, even if it was for the sake of pleasantries.

"Um, not too well, unfortunately," she mumbled, hating the weakness in her own voice. "But hey, what can you do, right?"

She grinned amiably, making sure her smile was tinged with just enough self-deprecation. She didn't want to have this conversation, a real conversation, with Tanu. Or anyone really. Not yet.

He hummed, narrowing her eyes in thought, but never letting his smile waver as he dog-eared the book - a reference textbook, she could see now.

"What are you reading?" It was a weak attempt to divert the conversation from the serious. She knew it, and she knew he knew it. She sneered at herself mentally, hearing the Sphinx's mocking laughter at her rusty espionage skills deep within her. The same mocking laughter that had stolen R.E.M. sleep from her for the past two nights. Bastard.

Tanu must have noticed the desperation that edged her question, and she saw his eyes soften ever so slightly. Pity, yay.

"It's a copy of a very old tome my father sent me. The potions mentioned in this book are all derived from animals in some way, making it a bit archaic, and questionable. It's less of an instructional, more of a narrative."

She felt herself wake up a bit, the cobwebbed gears in her head turning at the mention of biotic potion making. A very old, and very questionable field indeed. Her mind was spitting words out before she would filter them as she turned to fix her freshly-brewed coffee.

"Is there anything about the naiad-infested waters and their chemical properties? Or, how about chimera blood, and how unstable it is. Did anyone ever try to make anything with it? What about hippogriff feathers, they have cloaking abilities right? I hear that can be transmitted between states really well, right? "

Tanu looks both pleasantly surprised and pleased with himself as she spins around, sets her coffee down and continues her endless stream of thought. She barely registers her hands moving around without her consent, and decides she can let it slide.

"And on the less humane side, is there anything about the dragon slayings around 1200? By the Nords? What about the anthropogenic African Wendigo extinction? Oh! Or the decline in Chinese nypsies around the time the wall was built? Weren't those all connected to people needing their body parts for potions?"

As she settled down into her chair and checked herself, Tanu seemed to be analyzing her. Just as she was about to excuse herself and her outburst, he spoke up.

"Actually, the chapter I'm on now is all about the Nordic conquests for Dragonsbane and adamant. It really fascinating…"

Tanu pulled his chair closer to her, experimentally entering her personally space. She quickly scanned herself, and when she found no anxiety, she leaned in to meet him halfway. Their heads conjoined over the pages of the old book, and even though her body was exhausted, Vanessa's mind hadn't been so awake in years. The voices and their laughter faded into her subconscious, and soon bled away entirely.

She slept through the whole 17 hour flight with her head on Tanu's shoulder, and the book resting reassuringly on her lap.

* * *

October 9

The mission had gone better than anyone could have hoped for. They'd gotten in on time, their intel had been straight, the threat to the Icelandic preserve was handled quickly, and no one was fatally injured.

Well, Warren concussed himself hiking down, but somethings are just the status quo.

All in all, they had kicked ass and worked as a team better than ever. She and Bracken even kept the bickering to mild comments and occasional glares. It was fantastic.

So why in the hell couldn't she sleep.

"Here we go again." Vanessa grumbled. She turned over in bed as gently as possible; Warren slumbered on his side of her bed, sawing logs blissfully. She leaned in to brush his hair aside and analyze to goose-egg he got from the fall, as well as the gash on his cheek from the Yeti. As she probed the wounds as non-invasively as she could, Warren started to stir, half-formed words blowing past his limp lips.

"Nessa…" he murmured.

"Yeah?" she whispered back.

"No sleep? Sleep time. Why no sleep?" his slurred words tugged a smile onto her lips.

"No, Warren, not tonight. You sleep, though, you need it."

"Good plan, I like to sleep." He curled furler into her blankets as he spoke, and was soon back in a deep sleep. She pressed her lips to his brow, closing her eyes to see if sleep pulled at her. Unfortunately, she could only feel the thrum of her bitten victim's sleep cycles, and found no evidence of her own. She sighed, swung her legs out of bed, and set about dressing herself in 3am appropriate clothes. She emerged with a soft black tank, fuzzy flannel pants she wasn't sure were hers, and a lack of underwear. At least her hair wasn't as Walk-of-Shame as it could've been. She padded down the hall to the kitchen, grabbed a glass of milk, and slipped out the porch door. She sighed, happy to be alone-

"Hello, Vanessa."

"Oh, fuck me." she groaned and turned to face Tanu, sitting on the far side of the checkerboard. She threw her balance onto one foot to thrust a hip out, and fixed him with the best "Are you kidding me?" look she could muster as 3am.

"There are many ways I could respond to that, and I won't voice any of them now." He said pointedly as he purposefully took in her appearance. Vanessa felt her face heat up as her words caught up to her.

"Thanks for having mercy on my broken filter." she muttered as she hoisted herself to straddle the porch railing, leaning her back against a support beam. She crossed one leg over the other and returned her gaze to Tanu, inquisitively this time.

"Took a call from my younger sister about 30 minutes ago. Time zones and all."

"You stayed up just to talk to your sister?" he nodded. "Why?"

"Because," he chuckled. "I rarely get to talk to her, and it's always worth waiting up. She makes me laugh, and it feels good to keep in touch with my roots."

"You are a special snowflake, Tanu, I'll give you that." she muttered into her glass. "I'd fork my brothers over to Satan for a single cornchip, and I'm sure they'd return the favor."

He looked concerned. "Do you really mean that?"

She fell silent, and just before the silence became too heavy, she spoke softly.

"No," she whispered, keep her eyes fixed on the stars. "Not on my end at least. But for them, I don't know. Family disappointment and all."

She tried to chuckle, but found a lump in her throat blocking the noise. She cleared her throat aggressively and resumed her silence.

"I understand," his voice was much closer, and as she looked up, she saw he was now leaning over the railing, looking at those same stars. "Not in the same way, or for the same scenario, of course, but I do know what it's like to let down those you love the most. Every time I go home for a holiday or visit or research, and my parents see there's still no ring on this old hand, the lights in their eyes get a little dimmer."

He sighed heavily, and Vanessa felt her hand moving to cover his on the railing as he continued.

"I want to give them the grandkids they want, but I'm not willing to compromise my comfort and lifestyle and boundaries to accommodate their wishes, no matter how much I love them. But I know that they still love me, even if I didn't follow the path they wanted for me."

Vanessa nodded her understanding and sympathies, and was shocked to feel cool dampness on her cheeks as a breeze drifted by. She hurriedly swiped the back of her hand across them, careful to breath through her mouth so as to not sniffle. Tanu glanced at her, and the lack of "poor you" in his eyes cracked her resolve further

"I know what you mean," she chuckled painfully. "God, do I know what you mean."

He sighed, not sadly, but heavily all the same. She found herself echoing it, and the silence that fell between them wasn't quite so heavy. Vanessa found herself suddenly overcome with affection for Tanu, for this man who owed her nothing but listened all the same. She wanted to talk to him, to speak to him. And so she did.

"I still see him, you know." Tanu turned, staring imploringly, but not prying, the weight of the moment not lost on him. Vanessa Santoro didn't share often, so all focus was on her when she did open her mouth.

"Who's 'him'?" he asked gently but firmly. She took a breath that rattled her ribs, steadying her.

"Rhodes." She hadn't said his name in so long, it was like a drug; so bad for you but so addictive. It made her hate him all the more.

"When?" Tanu said, sharper than before. Vanessa could understand, her wording made it seem like they had brunch once a week.

"When I sleep," she started, and saw him deflate with understanding. "When I laugh, when I hike, when I work."

She took a deep breath, feeling her emotions welling up inside her.

"When I'm with Warren."

She spoke so tremblingly low that she wasn't even sure it was her voice that spoke. Tanu put his hand on her shoulder as she tried to steady herself, tried to not explode and cave in all at the same time.

"Am I broken?" she whispered, turning wet eyes to Tanu, searching for the answer in his face. His hand tightened on her shoulder.

"No, Vanessa. You aren't broken. Somethings are just a little scrambled around right now. But this is good. Feeling these things, and recognizing them as issues, and trying to move past them and live a normal life, is a sign that you're more whole than you've ever been."

She nodded, squeezing her eyes shut to dispel the last of her tears.

"I don't think I'll ever have a normal life." she chuckled wryly.

"On this preserve? Fat chance." He scoffed, and they both laughed at that. Silence reined surpreme for another fifteen minutes until Tanu spoke again.

"Do you know constellations?" he asked.

"Not as well as one would assume." she replied neatly.

"Well then," he chuckled. "Let's start with the basics."

Vanessa learned more about the stars in that one night than she ever had in her whole life. The last thing she learned was the constellation Leo, and its significance to the magical world, before she passed out on the railing. When she woke up, she was on the couch in the living room, a blanket tucked around her and the sounds and smells of breakfast wafting in from the kitchen. And when she rose and stretched, and saw Warren round the corner with batter smeared all over his face and sleep clothes, she laughed.

* * *

November 12

More missions successfully completed, more leaves on the ground. More sleepless nights, more exhausted days. She found herself accompanied by Tanu more and more in the twilight, but sometimes she wandered the house and grounds like a phantom. Once she encountered Kendra, and once Mara, but it was rare she ever had company besides the resident potions master.

It wasn't yet dusk on the preserve, and everything was thriving with wakeful energy. Seth, the satyrs, Kendra, and Bracken were playing football in the backyard. Ruth wasmaking stew for dinner. Stan and Dale had taken some horses to the far end of the preserve around noon and were expected back any minute. Warren, Tanu, and herself were sitting on the porch, alternating between their tasks at hand and the football game.

"C'mon Kens, show those goats how it's done!" Warren shouted, pausing in his whittling to check in on the game.

"Who needs the NFL when you've got this?" Tanu remarked, not even looking up from mincing his ingredients. Vanessa chuckled in agreement, her free hand going for her coffee mug, the other still penning notes on the Brazilian Drumant she had caught just last week. She paused upon finding the mug empty, grunting as she shifted to get up and get more. She stilled when Tanu's hand on her shoulder, and Warren's eyes boring into hers held her in place.

"Ness, I think that's enough coffee. For life. You've drank enough in the past month to make the CEO of Starbucks shit his pants." she tried to hide her smirk at his phrasing, barely succeeding. Damn him for his humor in the face of a borderline intervention.

"I'm with Warren, Vanessa." she whipped around to gaze at Tanu. "You've been running on fumes for too long. It's time to rest."

"Been there, tried that." she quipped, but there wasn't any bite behind it (ha! the irony). She wanted nothing more than to follow their instructions, but at this point she wasn't sure she could. As if reading her mind, Warren resumed speaking.

"It's gonna take time, and it won't be easy. But you have us, now." he gestured to himself and Tanu, then to the kids on the field. "Not him. And we're gonna help. First step is cutting back on coffee." He pried the mug from her fingers.

"Step two," Tanu said, reaching forward and sifting his powder mixture into a small herb bag. "I'm going to give you this to put in some tea every day. It will help ease you mind and muscles." He held out the bag, and she took it after only mild hesitation.

"Step three," Warren rose and stretched, offering his hand to her. "You're going to talk to us, and we're going to talk to you. Therapy, or counseling, or whatever is kind of not practical in our lives. But we have each other. And as the set of young-ish adults we are, we have a responsibility to be the united force behind all this. So let's start, I don't know, uniting. Or not. That sounds far too kinky out loud. You get my drift."

Vanessa laughed lightly, Tanu joining her. Warren rolled his eyes, his hand still out, a smile pulling at his face. She grasped his hand in hers and let herself be pulled to her feet. Tanu rose with her, winking conspiratorially, and nudged her shoulder with his as they stepped off the porch the join the game.

"How do you feel?" he murmured. She took a deep breath, inhaling the crisp air and piecing out her answer before speaking.

"Half."

"Half?"

"Half." Tanu stared bemusedly at her, waiting for an explanation. "Not whole, yet. No where near it, to be honest. But not broken, not anymore. Could go either way at this point. So, half." Tanu nodded, smiling in his quiet way, as if all was right in the world.

"Half it is."

* * *

Tada


	2. Worth

Chapter 2: Kendra and everyone

 **Darker themes for this one folks, just be warned. Shoutout to fairyprincesskendra (feministkendra) for the inspiration. This was a challenge, and in a good way. I wouldn't have thought to write about it without your prompting, so thank you!**

* * *

 **Book 1**

Kendra bit back a groan as Lena dumped another croissant on her plate. It wasn't that they were bad, it was exactly the opposite. Kendra had already choked down one, hating herself every more with every bite. She didn't really want to repeat, so she nudged her plate to Seth, feigning and full stomach.

"No thanks Lena, I'm all full."

"Are you sure, Kendra?" Lena looked mildly alarmed, and Kendra felt her already queasy stomach clench. "You haven't been eating much, do you feel okay?"

"Yeah, just excited to exploring the gardens." She forced a smile onto her face, hoping to ease Lena's worry. It seemed to work, as Lena nodded kindly and drifted back into the kitchen.

"Are you sure you don't want this?" Seth held the roll aloft and looked her in the eye, clearly worried but trying to play it off.

"Yeah, I'm sure. Enjoy." She rose to her feet as he shoved the whole thing in his mouth. She exited the dining room, turning toward the porch door. Her feet carried her out and down to the gardens, where she found a stone bench to sit on while she focused on not throwing up her breakfast.

Kendra wasn't sure how long she sat there, focusing her mind on just her breathing to quell her unease, but it felt like she'd been meditating for hours when she opened her eyes. She looked around, blinking blearily in the strong afternoon sunlight, trying to find the source of her wakefulness as her senses filtered back to her. She swung her head around, her braid whipping behind her, searching the bushes and flowers until-there!

Moving through the bushes just across the clearing was Dale, slowly but surely making his way towards her. He carried a lunch pail with him, as well as an empty milk bucket. He entered the small pavilion, his work boots clacking across the cracked stones as he moved to sit next to her. He collapsed onto the bench, not too close to her but within reaching distance.

"Afternoon, Kendra." He drawled, reaching into his pail to grab water and a sloppily wrapped sandwich. He took a long draw from the bottle, and then a huge chomp of the sandwich. Kendra tried not to flinch, she really did, but Dale noticed and paused in his loud chewing. He regarded her contemplatively. "What brings you to my lunch bench at 3 in the afternoon?"

"Oh, um," Kendra flushed, trying to figure out answer. "Just relaxing, enjoying the garden. It's so beautiful and peaceful here."

"It is, ain't it?" Dale smiled. He reached back into his pail, producing a granny smith apple. He offered it to her and she froze.

"Um, n-no thanks, Dale. I just ate inside." Or at least, she felt like she had. How long had she been meditating? He was looking at her oddly again, not with concern, but almost suspiciously. He hummed setting the apple down between them. They were both silent, Dale chewing and Kendra breathing.

"You know it's hard," he started suddenly, making Kendra jump. "Looking and feeling one way when everyone else wants you to look and feel another way. Can drive you nuts, huh?"

Kendra nodded, heart in her throat, not sure where this was going.

"But, y'know, you just kinda gotta dig your feet in and do what you want. In any matter. People tell you to be a certain someone with a certain image, you take those reins out of their hands and say 'No, this who I am, who I want to be, and how I want it to happen.' Ya hear?"

She nodded, listening to every word with rapt attention. He stuffed his foil into the pail and gathered the bottle of water, but left the apple as he stood. He turned to her, a wise light in his eyes.

"Start with fibrous fruit. We've got lots of that here. An apple and a bottle of water will keep you full for six hours if you aren't doing too much. Flax and oats, too, for breakfast. Minimal sugars, max complex carbs. Let me know if you need to talk." He nodded at her, smiled kindly, and clomped off back into the woods. Kendra watched him go, then picked up the apple.

And chucked it into the flowers.

* * *

 **Book 2**

Kendra sat at the kitchen island, flipping idly through a book. The adults had been out scouting the woods all day, and now as dusk fell, she heard the screen door creak and slap open as they all trekked in.

" _Uccidimi!_ " Vanessa cried as she stretched, breaking off from the group to head for the kitchen. Tanu chuckled and Coulter rolled his eyes as they made for Stan's study.

"Hi, Vanessa." Kendra murmured from behind her book.

"Hey, Kendra," Vanessa smiled back, opening the fridge to rummage. "What did you guys eat tonight? And is there any left? I'm absolutely famished."

Kendra laughed lightly at Vanessa's obvious overdramatics. She smiled back happily, and emerged from the fridge with a water bottle and pomegranate.

"It was just kind of a fend for yourself night, sorry. Seth made nachos, Grandma and Grandpa had sandwiches. Too busy for a real meal."

"Ah," Vanessa raised her brows in understanding. "What did you have? Any leftovers?"

Kendra felt her head throb.

"Sorry, no leftovers." She tried to chuckle, but her discomfort was far too obvious.

"Uh-huh." Vanessa nodded, a strange look on her face. The kitchen descended into a somewhat awkward silence as Kendra sat reading and Vanessa moved about the kitchen. Vanessa spoke up again, so suddenly and so brightly Kendra assumed the initial topic just went over her head. "You know, my abuelita used to make the most incredible bread to use for _bolo_ in the mornings. It was always perfectly fluffy and sweet and warm. And always fresh."

Kendra nodded, not sure where this was going, and not enjoying the simultaneous rumble of hunger in her stomach and spike of pain in her head.

"Well, anyway, I would eat it every morning, of course. Breakfast is breakfast, and when you're fighting your siblings away from your plate you eat what's put in front of you as fast as possible." Vanessa laughed softly to herself, eyes far away as she cut up an avocado. "I was never concerned with what I put in my body until other people were."

The statement was a slap in face compared to the story so far. Vanessa? Of all people, Kendra would never have pegged Vanessa down for victim of schoolyard bullying. Her body seemed so permanent, like a statue, Kendra couldn't begin to imagine a time Vanessa hadn't looked like...well, Vanessa. She felt a stab of envy and hurt; if this was Vanessa just trying to offer pity or whatever, it was cruel as hell. She tried to keep the glower off her face as her friend continued speaking.

"Soon, teachers started approaching me about eating and exercising, and kids were always making jabs at how I ran a little slower than the rest of them. Petty shit-," Vanessa paused and looked sheepish. "Petty actions, sorry- but it was enough to get under my skin. I started taking more advanced dance classes, I started taking judo and archery and historic fencing."

Vanessa paused again here, looking uncomfortable. She took a breath before she resumed speaking.

"And I stopped eating."

Kendra's eyes widened of her own accord. She was now rapt with attention.

"I did all the usual stuff. Not eating for weeks, bingeing one night every now and again to give my body energy before throwing it up. I even started smuggling pills for a few months at one point." She paused and took a breath here, steadying herself. "When I wound up in the hospital at 13 for malnourishment and was diagnosed bulimic and anorexic, I started to realize it wasn't okay. My muscles were atrophying, and my immune system was failing. To make a long story short, I suffered through verbal and physical therapy for a year, on top of meal replacement and liquidized food to get back on my feet. By 16 I was normal looking enough, but my mind was never the same."

Speared a slice of avocado with a fork, regarding it contemplatively.

"There are days I still have to force myself to eat, and days where I push myself too hard."

Kendra didn't know what to say, or how.

'This must be how people feel when I tell them.' she thought sadly.

"Look," Vanessa swallowed the avocado, chasing it with water. "I'm not gonna tell you to force yourself to eat, or that it magically gets better. Because it doesn't. You gotta work hard, and push yourself beyond your limits. You're already doing better than me, I've seen you eat around your family, and that's huge with a disorder like this. Just, don't give up."

She rose, pushing the half-finished bowl of fruit towards her.

"If you ever want to talk, or just cry and scream, you know where to find me."

Vanessa left the kitchen, humming a tune under her breath.

Kendra turned to the bowl, picked up the fork, and took a bite. Even though her body threw it up 3 hours later, she felt better than she had in months.

* * *

 **Book 3**

She'd been doing so well.

Kendra Sorenson had been doing so damn well, despite everything. Despite Vanessa's betrayal, the Sphinx's alleged double-agentry, the Lost Mesa fiasco, Gavin's entry into her life, _everything_. For the past six weeks, she had eaten at least once a day. The nausea was fading and becoming less threatening, she was even moving on from water as her sole beverage.

But now, with the loss of the main house, and the relocation to the pond, she was slipping. They had enough camp food and supplies to keep themselves going for a long while, but Kendra had barely touched any of it. What she did choke down she threw up in the hedges, and the only substance of real value she had consumed was water.

She hadn't felt so shitty in ages.

Just as she was about to mix her popcorn with the bird seeds and dirt behind her, Warren plopped down next to her on the ground. She had been hanging out away from the thick of things, a little behind their large striped tent.

"What's up, Kens?" He all but shouted in her ear, taking a huge handful of popcorn and shoving it in his.

"Not much, I guess." She shrugged, not bothering to hide her listlessness. "How are we gonna beat this, Warren?"

'How am _I_ gonna beat this?' she thought to herself, feeling more frustrated than ever and hating herself for her Judas body and its way of processing literally anything.

"We're not gonna give up." Warren stated firmly, looking ahead at the pond, expression leaving no room for argument. "We're gonna fight every day, for the rest of our lives if we have to. And we'll do it together, to create a life we can all enjoy, and thrive in and be a part of. Because that's the whole point of all of this; to fight for the small moments, the moments in between." He turned to look at her, eyes shining. "So we can have something worth fighting for."

Kendra nodded jerkily, tears welling in her eyes. As they started to drip down her face, she turned to Warren and threw herself into his arms. He caught her in a side-hug, holding her tight against him as she sobbed silently, but with all of her being.

"I'm so tired, Warren," she choked out. "So, so tired. I want it to be over, I just want to live like everyone else."

"Oh, Kendra," he sighed, letting some of his own tears slip out. "You can't always get what you want, but you still have to try. I know it's not fair, or fun, but life rarely is. You're not alone though, you have all of us. We love you, so so much. Don't ever lose sight of that."

Kendra nodded, huddling against Warren tighter as the night grew colder and the stars began to emerge. When she thought he wasn't looking, she slipped a few pieces of popcorn into her mouth, letting them dissolve on her tongue. As the mush slipped down her throat, a commotion erupted toward the gazebo. From the circle of people, Doren burst through, carrying a laughing Seth on his back. Verl followed after, frantically trying to keep up as an irate dwarf gave chase. Even the centaurs, hunkered in their corner, followed the action with condescending amusement in their eyes. Warren laughed bodily beside her, cheering Doren on.

Kendra felt her own laughing spring forward unbidden from her chest, and popped some more popcorn in her mouth without a second thought.

* * *

 **Between 4 and 5**

Gavin was a traitor. Of course he was, because why not? Nothing else worked out very well for her, might as well add that onto the trash heap, too.

This was Kendra's thought process as she angrily fixed herself an omelette. Her family (and Tanu and Coulter) were seated at the island behind her, going over the plans for the Obsidian Waste mission. She joined them once she plated her eggs, absorbing all that she could as she munched away. Seth and she chimed in now and again, asking clarifying questions (herself) or making cracks about the tense atmosphere (Seth).

"It's like pea soup in here, people." He grumbled after Coulter aimed a fourth hairy eyeball at him.

"Ew," Warren grumbled. "Pea soup is gross."

"Not with ham." Ruth reasoned.

"Can we focus here, folks?" Coulter snapped. "We don't sort this out there won't be anymore pea soup ever."

"Truly a travesty." Warren snickered. Dale smacked his head. "Ow!"

Kendra chuckled, reaching down for another piece of egg. She startled herself when her fork scraped the glass, picking up only crumbly debris. Sighing, and deciding against making another, she stood and made her way over to the sink to clean the dish off. As she stood washing, her mind drifted back to Gavin.

She was fully expectant for this to set her back further in her recovery. Whenever her depression reared its ugly head, so did the Food Thing (thanks, Seth). She heaved a heavy breath, resigning herself to another four weeks for vomiting. She could already feel the nausea forming-

Except...she couldn't.

'I'm just faking myself out,' she reasoned. 'The loathing always comes first…'

She searched herself mentally, probing her brain for any sign of hatred or remorse.

None.

Her breath was coming short and fast now, yet her stomach stayed strong. She dropped the plate in the sink with a loud clatter.

"Jeez, Kendra, just hurl to the ground next time why don't ya?" Seth griped, rubbing his ear.

"Kendra, is everything okay, honey?" Ruth asked cautiously, ready to rush her granddaughter to the bathroom.

"I don't feel anything." She mumbled, gripping the sink as she turned off the water. She turned shakily, facing her family. "I don't feel a single thing."

"Um, yay?" Seth looked terribly confused. "I wasn't aware you were on an emotional rollercoaster for pea soup."

"I ate the omelette," Kendra pressed on, the blood roaring in her ears preventing her from hearing her brother. "I ate the whole thing, and I don't feel anything."

"Kendra…," Warren looked cautiously hopeful. "Do you mean-"

"I ate it all!" Kendra could hear and feel her voice bordering on hysterics, knew her face was getting red, and that she'd probably be crying soon. "I ate every last piece of the eggs and I feel fine!"

Seth was the first to reach her, grabbing her and hugging her tight, yelling something happy but muffled. He'd deny this ever happened in an hour. Warren was next, catching them both in a strong embrace, his cheeks already damp. Tanu reached around Seth to ruffle Kendra's hair as he laughed, freely and joyously, before hugging her as well. Stan and Ruth looked on, happy tears in their eyes, holding each other's hands tightly. Coulter watched the explosion of joy from his seat, his usual gruffness softening as he smiled for the young girl who'd overcome so much.

Kendra took in shaky breaths as she enjoyed every second of her victory. This moment, this victory, had been worth every battle she fought, whether lost or won. This was her moment in between. And with renewed hope, she wiped her cheeks dry, more determined than ever fight for the next one.


	3. Together

**Dark themes ahead, mateys. Brace yerselves.**

* * *

Warren inhaled deeply, the balmy air of the May night settling in his lungs like a cool drape. Normally, he'd be spending his night with Kendra, watching Netflix, or with Seth, doing some dumb shit, or with Dale, determining where to plant the next set of ridiculously expensive flowers they managed to acquire over the last week.

Or, if the stars were really in his favor, he'd be spending the evening with Vanessa, working on repairing their relationship. Sometimes they'd take long walks through the trees, saying nothing and needing only the other's presence. Other times, they'd break out his old Nintendo systems and the junk food or something along those lines, desperately seeking joy and laughter amidst the chaos and stress. And still other times, they'd talk and act more intimately, in a way that felt foreign, and new, yet so right.

And, finally, there'd be nights like this. Where they couldn't even be in a room together, the tension too thick. After a long day, the cabin was a powder keg, and they both knew they were dangerously close to dropping a lit match.

The two of them had been excavating the basement of the house, looking for extra notes and journals Patton likely left regarding Eternals. Earlier, they had both been training with the kids in a hot yard all day. Normally neither minded, but the Sphinx had shown up to help Seth, putting him on edge. Vanessa, however, had practically basked in his presence. He complimented her forms, her teaching methods, all day. Warren was ready to deck him. Vanessa may not be his, or anyone's, right now, but she was certainly not the Sphinx's. They'd worked too hard to go back there. His foul temper had lingered, thickening the air in the stuffy basement, until they were both ready to fight at the drop of a pin. Warren had escaped for air.

"Hey." he heard her voice behind him, knew she was leaning in the door frame.

"Hey yourself." he replied, trying to keep the sneer out of his voice. She caught it anyway, and tensed up.

"Something wrong?" Vanessa's tone implied that she knew exactly what was wrong, yet wanted him to say it anyway.

"Somethings, someones, sure." He bit back. Four lines in and they were not doing well. He scrubbed his hand across his tired eyes, steeling himself for the next hour or so.

"Oh?" her voice had dropped octaves, low and dangerous now. He'd be lying if he said he didn't find it attractive, but he was looking for a different release at present.

"Oh." A few beats passed, and finally he couldn't take it anymore. He rounded on her, surprising her momentarily. "What was that shit earlier with the Sphinx? You two were getting real cozy out there in the yard today."

Her already present glare intensified, her dark eyes smoldering at him as her lip curled high. "Don't, Warren. Don't go there. I was just trying to be cordial and make it easier on Seth. He instigated every conversation, and I replied accordingly. Do not accuse me of what I think you are."

He raised an incredulous eyebrow, laughing cruelly in disbelief. "Oh that's rich. Even for you," she narrowed her eyes in anger at his pass as he changed his voice to mimic her higher, accented one. "'Oh, Rhodes, tell me again about how well I teach. Oh Rhodes, compliment my form again. Oh Rhodes, objectify and ogle me all day, it's not like I'm working on establishing a committed relationship with a guy who cares about me, who's right fucking there!"

Vanessa looked ready to attack him, he was close enough now he could see she was shaking. A small voice in the back of his mind told him to stop, look at the damage he'd already done, and reel it in. This was the same voice that often told him not to jump off cliffs and take arrows for his companions. Per usual, his adrenaline squashed it.

"How dare you?" her voice was low, and he strained to hear it over the blood rushing in his ears. "How dare you accuse me of flirting with, and, and enjoying that asshole's eyes on me all day. You think I enjoyed that? You think I enjoyed having to tolerate that all afternoon? I wanted him to die! How fucking dare you!"

They were nose to nose, chest to chest now. Her last bit of shouting he had heard loud and clear. She seethed at him, her teeth bared and fists clenched at her side, as if physically holding herself back from jumping him. He pushed forward, forcing her backwards into the house. If they were going to get into it, he didn't need the entire preserve knowing.

"What about you, huh?" she resumed as he shut the door. "You just stood there and let it all happen. 'Guy who actually cares' my ass! You just sat there, all day, and let him repeatedly approach me, when you should have known how I felt. And then, later, not a word of apology, or comfort, or anything! So, you're right, it's all my fault isn't it?"

Warren turned around again, his anger not subsiding for a second. That voice in the back of his head became sharper, warning him not to follow his fury. Vanessa continued on, not noticing his advance.

"No, let's keep blaming Vanessa, it's not like she's ever been the victim in anyway."

He knew she was right, that now was the time to let up, but it was as if he was possessed. His anger swirled, finding a new target; himself.

"Let's just have her abusive ex come by every week, that won't affect her or her relationships in anyway, right?"

He heard the tears in her voice, and felt the loathing and hatred in his heart spike, his wrath finally simmering over. As she opened her mouth to speak again, several things happened.

Warren grabbed her by the upper arms, hard enough to bruise.

"Do you ever _shut up_?" he roared, eyes boring into hers, and finally, finally, the deepest, most twisted part of his heart leapt to see the fear in her eyes. 'Warren, stop!' that voice begged again. He couldn't, though.

He couldn't see anything aside from her eyes, the rest of the world bled away into hazy watercolor. Time seemed to halt for a few beats. Then, like a rubber band snapping, awareness rushed back to him. When everything settled, and his vision and conscious came out of their vitriolic coma, Warren thought he was going to be sick.

Vanessa's eyes had never left him, but her entire body was twisted toward his left. Her right hand had come up in a blocking position near her left ear, and as he turned, he saw why. His right arm had lifted off his body, above his head, and formed a loose fist. He brought it down slowly, not believing it was his own appendage. His head snapped back to Vanessa, to the questioning disbelief all over her face, the pleading gaze she had leveled at him. He let go of her other arm as if she had burned him, and started backing away.

"Warren?" Vanessa reached an arm out, speaking softly. He didn't deserve such soft words, he had been about to- "Warren, what was that?"

"I'm sorry," his voice sounded hollow, and far, to his own ears. "I'm so so sorry, Vanessa. You should leave. I should leave." He had started hyperventilating, and swallowing to keep the bile down his throat. "You didn't deserve that."

"No," she maintained a soft tone, following him cautiously across the room, as if he were a wounded animal. "No, I didn't. And you know that. Which is why we need to talk about it."

"No. Not tonight." _Not ever._ "It's best if you leave. And maybe don't come back."

She looked visibly stung for a flash of a second before she pulled herself together. Warren closed his eyes tightly, willing the tears pushing against them back. He slumped against the wall in the corner of the room he had backed into. He had really fucked it up this time. There was no fixing this, he knew. She deserved better, she had to leave him. She-

She was hugging him.

Vanessa had closed the distance once he shut his eyes, and wrapped her arms around his broad torso once near. He opened his eyes slowly, not daring to look anywhere but her. This was a goodbye, it had to be. She was smarter than this. The "strong man" part of him willed Warren to not move, to let her do this and leave, but his softer heart, his weaker half, won. He straightened, and wrapped his arms around her smaller frame desperately, like a drowning man that had finally found a piece of driftwood. He pulled her impossibly close, folding around her further, dropping his head to her shoulder. A few brave tears slipped out, dripping onto the bare skin of her neck.

"That wasn't like you, Warren." Her voice was steady, but wary. "I've never known you to...Warren, what happened?"

His resolve to get her to leave and never turn around was crumbling. He wanted to confide in her, turn himself inside out and bare his heart to her, and be reassured he wasn't a monster. That he wasn't fated to be one.

"Vanessa," he whispered her name like a benediction, and she held him tighter in response. "Vanessa, I'm so screwed up."

"Join the club. We meet Thursday at 8."

Warren choked out a laugh, and then before he knew it, he was sobbing. His legs gave way, but Vanessa caught his weight, and went to the floor with him. She never let go, holding him and carding his fingers through his hair as he began speaking.

"I'm so sorry, Nessa."

"I know."

"It's not ok. It's so not ok, oh God."

"No, it's not. But we're going to make it ok."

"How?"

"You need to tell me what happened, and why."

Warren took deep shuddering breaths, trying to establish some kind of order to the thoughts in his head. He gave up after about 3 minutes, and just started word vomiting.

"My dad," he began, shifting to lay his head in Vanessa's lap. She resumed running his fingers through his long locks. "Was an asshole. He, he did terrible things to us, to me and Dale and our mother. It started when I was maybe 4. Dale was 9, and he was still Daria at the time." He paused as Vanessa took in the information. To her credit, she only hummed a bit in surprise. "When he told my parents what he wanted, who he wanted to be, who he felt he was, they weren't happy. My mom kept it to mostly-quiet muttering, but my dad kind of flew off the handle. He started drinking real heavy, and hitting Dale real bad, especially in the chest and..elsewhere.., saying all kinds of phobic things, slurs, you name it. I was still little at the time, but I knew that wasn't right. That you don't just get to punch the things you don't like in life. Or the things you love." He paused here, as they both risked a glance at the other. "Anyway, I started taking the beatings for him, especially once the therapy started. He needed his strength, and I was pretty healthy. But then our dad started really enjoying hitting me, because I was still too young to know how to fight back. It got worse and worse, and only ended when I was 13, and he killed mom and himself, and they shipped us off to live with Ruth and Stan."

Vanessa had been silent the whole time, but as he looked up, he could see the tears slipping down her cheeks. He sat up, and started speaking again, before she could say the words he knew were coming.

"I always thought I'd be better at the whole love and family thing. And for a while, I was. I had Kendra and Seth to teach me how to be a real role-model, a real father figure. I had Stan and Ruth and Dale to show me families could still have love in them, because for a long time, I thought that was all some big elaborate hoax." He laughed bitterly, and reached out to cup Vanessa's face, thrilling when she didn't flinch or stop him. He brushed the tears from her face with his thumbs as he continued. "And then you came along, for real this time, and I began to see what all those crappy romance novels and chick-flicks were getting at." She laughed brightly, suddenly, and he let it wash over him. "I started to see that one person really could brighten a whole room for me, or be my best friend, or strictest confidant, or any of that stuff. I knew what falling in love felt like."

Her tears had started again, but as she opened her mouth to speak, Warren ran the calloused pad of his thumb across her lower lip, begging her silence for a few more seconds. She brought her hands up to cover his, tangling their fingers together in response.

"I don't expect you to forgive this, or look past this. It's too much to ask. I almost hit you, and I'm never going to be able to live comfortably with that. But maybe we can keep being friends, and someday move on. I'm sorry, Vanessa."

Warren bowed his head, letting his hands slip off her cheeks. Vanessa caught them in her own again, though, and folded them together in her lap.

"I'm gonna need you to shut up for like 5 minutes so I can tell you how this is really going to happen."

Warren snapped his head back up, meeting her steely, dark eyes with his own wet hazel, not quite believing what he was hearing. He listened anyway.

"Warren, you didn't hit me. That fact is concrete. You stopped yourself, and that's what matters."

"But if-"

"If ifs and buts were candy and nuts, we'd all have a merry Christmas."

"You hang out with Ruth too much."

"Noted. Now," she wiped the growing smile from her face, settling back into a more serious countenance. "You are not your father. You didn't hit me, and that is what matters, and will always matter. I am not angry, or upset, now that I know where this stems from. You can't help what others have done to your mind. Trying to take the blame for others' abuse will drive you mad, trust me." She ran her fingers along his, tracing grooves and cuts, not meeting his gaze. "And I'm not afraid of you, physically or mentally. I still trust you, implicitly, with my life and my love. Nothing has changed that." She lifted her head, and met his gaze head-on. He nodded in understanding, and relief.

"I'm still sorry, and I don't think I'll ever stop feeling that. I almost hurt you."

"Well, there are plenty others who actually did, so thank you for being the outlier."

Warren felt his breath catch, anger flaring up from the dead coals again. "Who?"

"Well, Rhodes wasn't always the kindest, nor was Errol. And Torina was always ready to brawl, but that wasn't quite the same. There was Cassandra, but she was more manipulative than physically abusive. But, yeah…" Vanessa trailed off, looking slightly past him.

"I want to hurt him." Warren ground out, clenching his hands into fists. Vanessa grabbed one in her two hands, gently uncurling it.

"I do, too. But we can't. Not now. The kids need him around, and peace must be kept."

"You're too kind."

"Hardly," Vanessa snorted. "I'm just patient. When the time is right, the vengeance is sweeter."

"Spoken like a true blix."

"Aye," She flashed him a wink before climbing to her feet, stretching her stiff muscles. "My butt's numb."

"I can fix that." Warren waggled his eyebrows at her, forcing a laugh out of her as she offered her hand to help him up. He took it.

"No, thanks," Vanessa chuckled. "I'd rather just let the blood run it's course."

"Fair enough," Warren laughed softly with her, pulling her close once he was upright. He whispered into her ear, "We're ok?"

"Sí, Warren. Better than ever, if you ask me."

"Thank god."

"I do."

He pulled back, meeting her warm eyes once more before covering her lips with his own. She sighed, leaning into him and the kiss, bringing her arms up to hang loosely around his neck while his rested about her hips. After a few blissful heartbeats, they pulled apart softly. He kissed her cheek softly, and she hugged him tighter.

"Let's go to bed," Warren murmured. "Tomorrow's gonna be hell again."

Vanessa grabbed his hand as she turned to move toward the bedroom.

"We'll get through it," she yawns. "Together."

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 **Warren is very dear to me, as is Vanessa. I enjoyed fleshing out his character, and intend to continue to do it. Eventually. Hope you all enjoyed! I take requests, btw. Just give me something angsty and I'll make it work. Love to all!**


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